


sun and moon

by compendiary



Category: GOT7
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-20
Updated: 2018-01-20
Packaged: 2019-03-06 21:26:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,007
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13419969
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/compendiary/pseuds/compendiary
Summary: jackson just wants someone tounderstand. he’s thankful that mark does.





	sun and moon

Ever since Jackson entered the entertainment industry, he’s become incredibly self-aware. The tiniest, most trivial of matters concerning himself are amplified by the media and the general public. He knows that every single action he makes can be a topic of discussion, and that there’s nothing regarding his human being that isn’t up for someone else to talk about.

It’s a grave detail that he never truly considered on his journey to the top.

Now that he’s older, he likes to think that he’s become wiser. He doesn’t find the need to be different on and off-camera, but there’s a portion of him that he holds back whenever he realises that he’s going overboard. Jackson doesn’t believe in crafting the ideal image of himself to present to the public, but as time passed and with every additional piece of criticism, he’s started attempting to fit into the cookie cutter mould of what a celebrity should be like.

The point is that he _tries_ to.

“That’s not you,” Mark had once said to Jackson after a particularly tense variety show appearance.

What Mark said was vague, but Jackson understood exactly what he meant. In his effort to blend into the background by staying relatively silent in contrast to his usual nature, the segment they recorded didn’t seem right. It’s not that Jackson prides himself in being the loudest one in a room, but he knows that he’s never been the most quiet. He doesn’t purposely try to stand out, but his personality and overall excitability come naturally. He’s an accidental scene-stealer, and it’s difficult to forget that there are people who are resentful of that fact.

He’s seen one too many comments stating that he’s “an attention whore” or that he’s “trying too hard.” It’s not the easiest thing to read about oneself, especially when the negativity is coming from people who don’t even know him personally. It’s a big blow to the face because he never noticed that he came off as overbearing when he was really just being himself.

“Just be you,” Mark murmurs into Jackson’s ear one day, right before they’re set to stand on separate ends of the room to film a greeting video for the fans.

It rings in Jackson’s ears as he smooths out the hair on the side of his head, his eyes following Mark’s retreating form as Mark moves to get into position.

It’s not easy, even with Mark’s encouragement. Jackson feels himself still when Jaebum casually cues him to address the camera next, and he hesitates for half a beat before putting on a cheerful façade to recite the message they were told to deliver, word for word from his head. He knows this isn’t how he would’ve done it maybe a year ago, but it’s how he’s going to do it now.

He makes sure he sounds happy, but not _too_ happy. The small smile he gives the camera before looking away from it should be enough.

Jackson catches Mark’s eyes on him from the opposite side of the room. They’re separated by five bodies in between them, but the gentleness of Mark’s gaze conveys enough.

Mark is extending a form of support his way, and Jackson knows that Mark would be gingerly wrapping an arm around his waist right now if the distance would let him. It’s just how they work.

Jackson swallows the lump in his throat, nodding once at Mark before looking back at the camera, waiting for Bambam to wrap up the video.

After the camera is turned off, Mark immediately scurries over to Jackson’s side, nudging him lightly in the chest with an elbow. “What was that about?” Mark asks without judgement, and he rests a hand on Jackson’s shoulder to squeeze it briefly.

“It’s my new style,” Jackson mutters tersely, looking down at his sneakers as he shrugs. “Don’t worry about me,” he adds as an afterthought, turning to walk away but he knows that Mark’s right behind him.

“I don’t,” Mark responds, falling right into pace with Jackson as he always does. “I understand.”

And Mark does.

He always understands.

 

* * *

 

“Jackson, what’s your favourite thing about Mark?”

Jackson blinks slowly at the question presented to him by the interviewer. It’s a one-on-one interview, private and personal. He’s seated opposite her in a plush armchair, and the reporter looks at him expectantly.

His first thought is _where do I begin_ , but he knows better than to say that out loud.

So he mumbles something about how Mark’s silently supportive, how he’s the glue that keeps GOT7 together, how Mark has always been an integral part of their group dynamic. The words are not lies—Jackson believes in them wholeheartedly.

But they’re not _everything_.

Jackson would never be able to name all the aspects that he loves when it comes to Mark. The list goes on and on, almost endlessly.

From the way Mark’s been there for him since the beginning; seen him through his ups and downs, witnessed his successes and failures. Mark has been his beacon of light for years. Mark just _knows_ him, and there’s no way to elaborate on that because it is what it is—Mark _understands_.

It’s difficult to pinpoint only one feature when every day, Mark gives Jackson a new reason to love him.

And that’s when Jackson first realises that he’s _in love_ with Mark.

Jackson is in love with his best friend.

 

* * *

 

They grew up together, so Jackson knows Mark almost as well as he knows the back of his hand. He recognises Mark almost instantly regardless of the situation—Mark’s silhouette, Mark’s voice, Mark’s aura. It’s not limited to only the physical.

But Mark’s touch, that’s something Jackson’s come to memorise without realising that he has. There’s something different about the feeling of Mark’s skin as compared to someone else’s. The warmth Mark radiates is just _different_ , and it’s not something Jackson thinks he’d be able to explain in this lifetime.

Their relationship isn’t complicated, but it’s not quite simple at all.

Jackson knows that he’s got wild hands, and he admits that he’s never been truly able to keep them to himself. He naturally seeks out human touch, and it’s just instinct for him to want to hold on to someone. He knows his limits, of course, but it’s how he expresses fondness for somebody.

In Mark’s case, Jackson never expected him to be touchy.

As trainees, Mark didn’t make physical contact unnecessarily. Although they connected, there would always be an expression of surprise on Mark’s face whenever Jackson grabbed him suddenly. He never told Jackson not to do it, but Jackson made a mental note to stop himself from crossing any boundaries to avoid making Mark uncomfortable.

After their debut in GOT7, Mark’s habits started to change. It began with small bumps of their shoulders here and there, and the occasional touch of their knees when they sat down next to each other. Eventually Mark stopped noticing when Jackson would rest a hand on his thigh, and soon Jackson even felt Mark’s hand on his.

It was comforting to have Mark close by.

After a few months into debut, Jackson realised that Mark sought him out especially when they were in the public eye. In private, behind the curtains where the fans and cameras weren’t around, Mark wouldn’t be much different. However, the moment they stepped outside, Mark would be right next to him, sometimes slinging an arm around his shoulder and other times when they were seated, Mark would rest a hand on him.

It didn’t take long for Jackson to deduce that it was out of nervousness.

Mark didn’t feel fully comfortable with so many eyes trained on him, and Jackson’s presence was a form of comfort.

To be fair, Jackson felt the same. Having Mark right beside him calmed his nerves because he knew Mark wouldn’t let anything hurt him. He felt relieved whenever he had Mark just by him, and he didn’t mind that Mark leaned on him too, literally and figuratively.

As the years passed, their method of communicating this feeling changed.

Now, Mark’s touches are out of habit.

Mark is comfortable in his own skin now after years of being a celebrity. He doesn’t search for Jackson specifically anymore, and whenever he has an arm around Jackson it isn’t because he needs reassurance.

Jackson’s been his anchor from the start, much like how Mark is Jackson’s.

Mark has become accustomed to having Jackson right next to him, and Jackson can’t say he doesn’t feel the same.

He forgets that he has his arm around Mark’s waist sometimes, not even knowing how his hand snaked its way there. He only realises when Mark’s about to walk away and he’s dragged along because of the position of his body.

Sometimes Mark squeezes his thigh and he doesn’t think anything of it until Yugyeom pinches him on his other thigh, asking for his attention to attend to a matter. It’s because Mark’s touch is _different_ , and Jackson sometimes forgets that Mark isn’t an extension of himself; that Mark’s hands are not his own.

Touching Mark is so _easy_ , and being the one Mark gravitates to is even easier.

He doesn’t have to look for Mark in a crowd because Mark will always be a few steps away, at most.

Maybe that’s why it’s so easy to just _love_ him.

 

* * *

 

Jackson doesn’t think much of it as he shares a bed with Mark.

Mark is cranky right before he goes to sleep and right before he wakes up. In the period in between, when Mark’s asleep, he’s practically an angel. He’s serene with his eyes shut, and Jackson resists the urge to count every one of Mark’s eyelashes resting gently on Mark’s skin.

There’s something about the way it just feels right.

It’s mornings like these when Jackson wakes up first that he regrets having to leave Mark’s side. He has a routine to follow, and although he would love the extra sleep, his parents’ discipline taught him to always follow according to his routine. So Jackson savours the last few moments of lying beside Mark under the thick duvet, listening to the shallow sounds of breathing that come from Mark’s nose.

As Jackson peels away the covers from himself, careful not to disturb Mark, he swings his legs to the side of the bed only to be stopped by a hand gripping the material of his tank top.

Mark has a fistful of his shirt, and his eyes are still shut tight as he refuses to let go. “Stay,” Mark mumbles with minimal movement of his lips. “It’s too early.”

Jackson blames the blinds in his bedroom. He’s about to open his mouth to protest—to say something about responsibilities and a schedule, but Mark cracks an eye open to peer at him and he’s practically putty in Mark’s hands. “Okay,” he agrees beyond himself, letting Mark pull him by his shirt to rejoin him in bed.

There’s a tiny quirk hanging on the edge of Mark’s lips as Jackson lies back down, and Mark urges him to come closer with a few tugs to his tank top once more. “You don’t have to work so hard,” Mark explains, inching himself closer. “It’s safe in here.”

Jackson knows the words are Mark’s unfiltered thoughts—just random terms Mark is stringing together to convince Jackson to stay in bed. They might not mean anything. Jackson instinctively rests a hand on Mark’s waist, his other arm now acting as a pillow for Mark’s head. “It’s already nine,” Jackson says, more of a statement than an argument.

He doesn’t think he wants to leave.

He doesn’t think he’d ever want to leave.

“ _Shhh_ ,” Mark hushes, blindly patting Jackson’s torso to shush him. “You can be you. It’s just you and me,” he whispers, his eyes barely open as he offers Jackson a small smile. “I understand.”

Jackson wonders if Mark knows that the words are exactly what he wants to hear.

**Author's Note:**

> this is word vomit i’ve had a weird day! i hope you can find some meaning in this?
> 
> i listened to [sun & moon](https://colorcodedlyrics.com/2017/06/nct-127-sun-moon) as i wrote this. (don’t know if the lyrics are relatable but it’s a good song nevertheless!)
> 
> [twitter](http://twitter.com/jiaerwang/) || [tumblr](http://maenjeongsin.tumblr.com)


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